There are so many people out there these days that will do anything to control others and this happens everywhere: in relationships, marriages, at the workplace, and in friendships. They are even apparent in politics and religion. A thirst for control is rampant in our society and we can’t change what we do not acknowledge.
Are you a control freak? How do you know if you are too controlling?
Oftentimes, we think we’re being “helpful” and imparting wisdom the other person may not have. We also may assume we’re usually correct in our thinking and that the other person is wrong.
In other situations, the controlling person is trying to control their own behaviour. It can be the food they’re eating or behaviours they’re trying to change.
If the control affects you alone, you are not controlling. If you want everyone around you to do what you say, you have moved into “control issues.” And a constant need to control others is where the “freak” part comes out.
To find out whether you fall in the control freak category, answer these questions honestly.
1. Do you set the agenda and then expect others to do what you want?
All of us have worked for a tyrant at some point in our lives. Tyrants, like control freaks, want their way and they are very clear about what their way is.
If you’re usually setting the agenda for yourself and others, and leave little to no room for what other people want, you are being very controlling.
2. Do you think anyone who disagrees with you is “wrong”?
If you find yourself saying, “No, things need to be done ‘this’ way” (which is your way), you have a control issue.
There are many ways to solve a problem or reach an outcome, and one way is not necessarily the only or even the best way. You are stuck thinking that you know best if this is how you handle conflict.
3. Do you usually negotiate solely to get your own way without hearing what others are saying?
If you’re unable to negotiate and come up with a solution that works for all involved, you have a control issue. The issue is not the “other people,” the issue is you and your inability to compromise.
When you’re unable to entertain and honor other ideas or suggestions, you limit your own growth and learning. The more out of control a person feels, the more controlling they usually become.
Asking, instead of dictating, gives the other person a choice.
You can move out of overly controlling behavior by following these steps:
1. Open up to other people’s perspectives.
Valuing others’ ideas and input, then discussing things openly and honestly without attack, can bring solutions to light.
2. Listen to understand (not to respond).
Understanding someone else and their perception is imperative in coming up with solutions that work for all involved.
3. Admit you have an issue.
When you realize there is no one else to blame but yourself for the way you see things, you are able to change yourself.
Control is not the answer. Listening, understanding, and loving others more is the answer. If we really want change in our lives, we must give up on the things we can’t control.
You can only change yourself, and when you do, everything around you changes.
